Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Mommyhood

I came across this article the other day written by a mom for her children and it was just perfect. I modified it for my kids...

God,
You gave me a strong, creative, spirited and sensitive little girl. You gave me a adventurous, curious, determined and tender hearted little boy. You gave me a new adventure with tiny little baby boy. They are a gift. You and I both know, this is a hard calling.
Please help me not to crush their determined spirit with all my rules and regulations.
You created them to color outside the lines, give me courage to let them.
Channel their determination into purpose. Turn their stubbornness into pliable willingness to say yes to you. Teach them to yield their steadfast spirit and help me to let go of what doesn't matter. 
I need help mothering:  Show me how to look past the attitude and see a pure heart. Lead me to look for the good and appreciate the crazy. Instead of controlling them, teach me to empower them. And instead of drawing a line in the sand and demanding my way, remind me that these kids are a whole lot like me.
Most of all, teach us all how to follow you.
Amen



There is no bigger, better, harder, complex, joyous, flustering, rewarding, exhausting, perplexing, adventurous or happier job I've ever had than being a mommy. It is all that and more. And I am feeling it. I'm so blessed and overjoyed and so wide eyed and fearful as to what I've gotten myself into lately. I mean, I wouldn't have it any other way, but 6 1/2 years into mommy hood and 3 kids later, I'm starting to wonder, hope and question that I'm good enough for such an important job! I am pretty experienced for Milo, but I'm extremely inexperienced for Ella. Everything stage she enters is a first for me! Kindergarten. Oi. It's going great, but Mama is struggling with the fact she doesn't have control over everything she sees, hears and does anymore. She's making her way into the world as her own little person. I want to follow her every footstep with blind folds, ear muffs and bubble wrap on hand to protect her at the appropriate times!
I worry that I will mess my kids up. I wonder how to handle certain situations. I question that I really know what I'm doing and I hope that I raise happy, well adjusted and secure kids who love God and have been equipped to handle this world. I want my kids to love me as much as I love my mommy and she loves her mommy! All of the sudden I feel the urgency to read some of those books that most parents read before they even have kids...or take parenting classes! I'll have to take the crash course because I need a lot of information. ASAP. Why didn't I read those books to be prepared?  When to shelter and when to be honest? When to let go and when to reign in? When to teach and when to let learn? When to tell the truth and when to LIE! hahaha

I'm comfortable with babies. I can nurture them, provide their basic needs, love them, kiss them, talk to them...boom. insta-success. But the older they get, the more interactions with the world they have. They develop personalities. Questions. Wills...strong ones :) They are influenced. They have opinions and ideas and awareness and energy galore! They are emotional (especially the girl) and so impressionable. And it's up to me to guide them, teach them, love them, model for them and lead them through this life. Wow. I need wisdom and experience that I can't possibly have without going through it first. Now that's an interesting concept. I'd like to have it a little more together for each child-but Luca is so different from Ella in personality and how he takes on the world! So he will need a modified version of what I learn from Ella! 
 side note: my middle man was super sick last week. It just broke my heart! It also made me realize how tough our Ella Bella is! She's the queen of ear infections and has never made half the fuss that this dude did this week ;-) Daddy also experienced another round of the dreaded man cold. Men :) They are more tender than we think.


So when life happens whether it be exploration, friends, school, siblings, discipline, responsibility, curiosity, etc. I find myself shaking my head back and forth with my finger on my cheek wondering what in the world I'm supposed to do with that. So I take parental action and hope at the end that it was the right one and I didn't give my kids one more reason to contact Dr. Phil someday.

At the end of the day, I know that no one on this earth loves them more than me (and their Daddy)...so there's that :) And that counts for something. And when I mess up, there is God's grace. I need to accept the fact that I don't always know what I'm doing and I WILL make mistakes but there is a big and mighty God that  loves my children more than me and chose me to be their mommy and will go before me to make lemonade out of my occasional lemon parenting skills :) I just need to accomplish one thing...teach them to love God and love others. Can't go wrong with that. He can protect them when I can't. He can teach them right when I teach them wrong. He can guide their path if I give them a wrong turn. Maybe it's not all up to me after all :)

No comments: