Thursday, January 2, 2014

Let's be honest!

I'm not making any New Year's resolutions this year. Lord knows I've got enough to keep me busy around here! It doesn't mean I don't want it to be a meaningful year with goals and ways to better myself, but if I'm going to do this I don't need a long list of things to tack on to my list and then eventually to fail at! Aint nobody got time for that ;) My New Year's resolution is simply to be a better version of myself. I'm not adding anything or specifying what changes to make or making number goals or what not...I'm just resolving to be a better me. So I'll start by getting real...

I'm a bit of a perfectionist :) It is very easy for me to get my lid screwed on too tight. I'm terribly uncomfortable with anything less than my best or "letting things go" when I don't meet my self-imposed goals and self-inflicted pressure to be absolutely perfect at all of the...(Oh did I mention I'm also an over achiever?)...above and beyond tasks that I set for myself including-but not limited to-home, kids, school, cleaning, projects, crafting, in general! Being an organized, compulsive, over-achieving perfectionist doesn't just mean I plan great parties, have a clean house, can manage to keep 3 kids bedrooms organized and my to do lists are always marked off and that I can do it in a clean, well planned and organized fashion. It also means I struggle with a lot of anxiety trying to be wonder woman. And guilt. OH THE GUILT when one of these things pertain to my children and I think I've failed them in some way. Reason gets me no where when I've got "the perfect idea" in mind! And getting it all done to the best of my ability doesn't bring any relief...there's always more that can be planned or done. It's an exhausting way to live...really. I have 3 kids now. I need to modify my expectations of myself and redefine what is possible and important in one day.   

So back to resolutions, if I'm going to be a better, healthier, happier me, I need not resolve to do more. I need to do the opposite. I need to let things go...loosen my lid a bit. And then the hard learn that happiness, security and accomplishment doesn't actually lie in doing everything and doing it perfectly. Being a better me (the healthy way) also means I'll be a better wife and mom. So Iets start here. Here are a few (very surface level-starting point) things I've given into. 

I have 3 kids and...

I may or may not take the cart back to the corral after shopping if I have any or all of the kids with me. 

I call it a win if the kids are bathed, dressed and fed. If I have time and/or energy left over, I'll do the same for myself. If not, I'll go grocery shopping in my Christmas PJ pants. Hey it was either get dolled up or grocery shop but my energy reserves were running very low and choices had to be made!  

I ate Chobani yogurt, pre-popped cheddar popcorn, an apple and coke for lunch because it's what I could quickly throw on a plate. No "all organic" for my breast fed baby that day...or any day this week for that matter.

I still drink coffee. I did when I was pregnant and I do now. I don't go crazy but mama needs some go go juice in the morning! And I usually drink it cold because I'm too busy to drink it in one sitting and by the time I sit down to finish it I have a precious sleeping babe in my arms that I would never want to disturb.

I may have bribed the kids with a toy from the grocery store to clean up the basement even though they really would do it all by themselves with proper motivation and positive reinforcement...but I needed it to get done faster and quieter that day. This is what I refer to as...survival mode.

Also pertaining to survival mode-lately I've only washed my sleep shirts once they start smelling like breast milk or spit up...laundry for 5 is no joke ya'll!

Having a 6 and 3 year old means there will always be crumbs on the floor. Having a newborn means I put house shoes on instead of vacuuming them.

I drink 80 ounces of water in one sitting at night because somehow the sun sets before I've managed to get a glass of water during the day.

I made an appointment (or tried to) for myself at the pediatricians office when actually calling to make one for Milo AND gave the nurse all of Milo's information for a referral that was actually supposed to be written for Luca. 

I know it's important to stay healthy and seize teachable moments and to slow down, and don't get me wrong we do that, but let's be honest what's written above is also what some of my days look like as well! And that's okay. I have 3 kids. On the flip side, maybe, just maybe, if I slowed down a bit and quit running around like a maniac meeting all of my own goals in the most extravagant way possible, maybe I'd be able to improve on myself in the ways listed above? Or maybe living like the wild woman listed above, but truly embracing the moments with my kids every day? I don't know. The goal is to have the right perspective, let things go and just chill out and be ok with what comes of it because I have moments like these to live for...

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