What is a molar pregnancy?
What is a partial molar pregnancy?
Who is at risk for a molar pregnancy?
What are the symptoms of a molar pregnancy?
I just don't understand it! Dr. Wells saw from my labs and sonos after we found out we lost the baby that this is what it was. But he wouldn't confirm it until after the D&C so he could send it to the lab to make sure. I'm pretty sure it's because it didn't make sense to him either! The only thing I can say is I've been sick with every pregnancy, but this one was a little worse. And my uterus measured large...but I also had just had a baby 9 months previous. Nothing too crazy was going on--we were just blindsided. So. That's that. I really am ok now and I'm not still dwelling on it or living it it. Sometimes I think back to it all (usually thinking about our blessings and how far we've come) and when I really let myself thing about it all it just bugs me. It will always hurt some. I'm just blogging from a pure medical frustration about what should be and what wasn't.
Of course I still think about our baby boy who would now be a couple of months old. And I want him so badly. The type A personality in me wants it all to have been perfect and normal "according to plan" (even though he was unplanned haha). I want to know him (the him here on this earth)...to know what kind of baby he would be, what he'd look like and how he would have fit with Ella and Luca and to raise him as my child. But I am growing into a different perception of it now. While I'll always want those things, I can say now I feel like I do know him. I feel like I know him and a very complete and special way...in the most important way...for the way he's changed me and his purpose in our lives and I really do know him as my child and I know I'll see him again and fully know him. I can't really describe it and maybe I shouldn't try. All of that to say I think about it differently-I want him and I want to take all of this back and make it different, but I also have peace about it (most of the time) knowing God is in complete control and I've seen His hand all over this. I know as time goes on I'll continue to see our baby's purpose and impact in our lives. I'll never understand the molar pregnancy factor, but I can understand that God had a perfect plan for him and even though it's not what we would have chosen, it can still bring so many blessings.