Saturday, April 28, 2012

alopecia...hairy luca

        Luca is about to grow all of his hair back. And oddly enough, I feel indifferent. I don’t care if he grows it back or not. Don’t get me wrong, I do fear him having to face obstacles of “standing out”. But I just don’t see it that way anymore. I see an opportunity to raise a little boy who is down with his bad self no matter what-hair or not. And that will carry him through anything and everything all the way through adulthood. I still fear any insecurities or pain he may (or may not) experience in his school years. But that doesn’t make me wish for his hair to grow back. It’s made me realize that I want to raise my children to find validity, acceptance and confidence in anything and everything except for school yard kids…hair or not. So my goal in parenting and fears for both of my children in the future remain the same, whether he has hair or not! If it’s not a bald head, it would be something else. At the beginning I was so sad that he would have to face something at a young age and learn and early lesson. But through his alopecia, I’ve developed a different mindset and have actually embraced the opportunity for Luca to have something impacting his life that supports my goal in raising him to focus on the things that matter.


            All that being said, there’s nothing wrong with having hair. Just like there’s nothing wrong with not having hair.  I have become neutral to hair! The one thing I am super excited about is seeing his little swirl in the front again.
        It’s the first thing I noticed when he was born (other than his big broad chest that brought immediate panic at the pain I would feel after my glorious epidural wore off) HA! . Anyway, most would probably say, “I bet you are SO happy his hair is growing back!” I feel like anyone who says that is probably thinking, “so he can be normal!” If that’s what they think-it’s honestly ok. I know what they are thinking…they are thinking they don’t want him to be teased or feel different. But as his mama-I got over that a long time ago because I was forced to truly consider how to raise my child to take pride in the things that matter. I do no know if I will be successful in my goal that I have set forth. I honestly have no idea what I’m doing! But I do know God chose me to be Luca’s mommy so he must have thought I could do a good job with it J
            So back to the hair…honestly, when we shaved it…I was sad to see his hair that used to spike so high go. 
        I think that’s normal. It was pretty dad-gum cute.
 But I also thought he looked so stinkin cute after we shaved it. 
And his big eyes looked even bigger than big and I LOVED kissing that bald little head! 
     I’ve been in love with his hair since day one so I’m happy, but I sure do miss kissing that sweet little bald head! I think It’s safe to say I think there are 2 beautiful versions of my sweet Luca baby…hairy and bald J
            If you are still reading this post…that’s incredible! I’m just rambling through the emotional mommy  thoughts running through my brain as I watch him grow all this hair back. I WAS thankful he was balding so young so that as he grew into his toddlerhood and “defined” himself, he would be bald or have bald spots…and that would be “normal” for him vs. him having to lose his hair in middle school (like most kids with alopecia)-that would be hard. Now I’m fearful that we will lose that “early onset” advantage and he will not remember this and will have to face losing his hair during his developmental years that he will remember and I don’t want that to be traumatizing for him. I don’t really know the pattern of his alopecia yet…every case is different! It may never happen again, it could be once a year, it could be reoccurring sporadically with little spots, or it could progress to universal alopecia ( no hair anywhere ever)…we will just see! I don’t know if it’s his diet, hair meds, or none of the above that is making his hair grow now. Please pray that we learn what is actually working so we don’t waste time or money do anything unnecessary.   I’ve considered adding the casein back to his diet to see if it makes a difference and I think that’s our next step. I know he misses ice cream, gold fish crackers and REAL milk J So to sum this up…

Luca is growing a full head of hair. Yay!
Will he loose it agin later? I dunno.
Does it matter? No.

Everything remains the same for us.

1 comment:

Anne McPherson said...

Yes- everything remains the same for you. And he is beautiful NO MATTER WHAT!But, like you said: he is so stinking cute with that head full of hair! And bald, too!!!!