HELLOOOOOO 2012. I welcome you with arms wide open and a big smile on my face! To say 2011 was difficult would be an understatement of the century. I’m not going to say much more about it because it was soooo last year. All I’m going to say is that even in the darkness…the deep, scary, oppressing darkness of the year that was 2011, God was there. There was absolutely nothing different about the track of our lives from December 31, 2011 to January 1, 2012. We did not wake up into a new life. However, God definitely put an emphasis on the timing. In the weeks before, the darkness was closing in and we could almost see light. In the week after the new year the dawn is rapidly appearing. It’s not a do over, it’s just a progression and a very clear message from God-you made it and now you can see my purpose.
Each thing we’ve endured has had purpose and boy are we better for it in all the right ways-but I would gladly be the lesser person and give it all back. HA! It didn’t break us down and it certainly did not strain our marriage. We somehow managed to rise above it. With God's grace of course. Now it’s time to rebuild, restore and heal. We have received so many blessings in just one week. It is so great to see God moving. It is a reminder that He was there, He is here, and He will always be. I believe there are certain emotions only a mother can feel--just like I believe people who have been given tough times are blessed with a greater capacity to live life, love, have joy and peace if they abide in Christ.
There will definitely be hard times ahead. I can already name a few! But it’s always the darkest before the dawn, and we have arrived. There is a season for everything I guess. So let me catch you up to date on some things!
Pippa: God-or Santa, not sure which one yet- dropped the perfect little puppy in country. I must have been a VERY good girl this year because she’s a little doll and so healing for my heart! My due date is coming up soon and I reaaallllly need something warm and cuddly to lay in my lap. She just happened to find my father-in-law out in the big wide world. I could make a joke right about him but I won’t ;) and I knew before I met her (or asked my husband) that she was mine so they saved her for me. We met her at Christmas and she met all of my requirements: free, cute, potty trained, plays gently, tolerates a ornery little boy and his big squeezy bear hugs, sleeps a lot, smart, doesn’t chew ANYTHING, not aggressive, and no barking-only a whisper bark when she thinks the boogie man is walking up to my house. Now where do you find a dog like that? That’s not really even a dog. She is all these things and was sent just at the right time. When I
Molar Pregnancy- March will be the month I will be in the clear of all the molar pregnancy shenanigans and I can move on with my life. This part has been a nightmare! There’s been just a couple bumps and bruises along the way, and it could have been worse. But still a nightmare none the less. Lord have mercy if I have to have one more round of blood work, scan, x-ray, sonogram, shot, biopsy, procedure, or test of sorts I’m gonna cry about it-like a toddler tantrum kicking and screaming fit of my sweet Ella Bella’s caliber! (kinda joking but not really) OR if I have to sit in the waiting room one more time with the same girl and her inappropriate jokes who was pregnant right along side of me and has yet to realized that my bump has yet to catch up with hers the past 8 months Ima gonna slap her in the face. And that I’m not joking about. Somehow I manage to get the same day and time of appointment as her. The first 3 months I was pregnant so it was just weird. The last 6 months-pure torture. I have 1 or 2 more visits and it should only be blood work if all goes well. I think I can handle that.
Baby #3- I have found peace and healing with our loss. I still have days when I think about him and just want it to be different. But it’s not. I think about what I “should” be doing/planning for or how big my belly should be. But most of all I just really want to know him. I wonder what he would look like with his brother and sister. But then I remember we will someday! I used to feel like we all were cheated, including him. But Mike and I talk openly about him a lot and one day, it occurred to us that even though it sucks for us, what a blessing that heaven is all he’ll ever know! This is how we came up with a name for him. We named him Asher because it means “life in abundance” and that is all he’ll ever know. We don’t go around calling him by name. It’s just a name for us to use when we talk about him that is more personal with meaning because is our child. Psalms 84:10 says “better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere.” It randomly popped in my head one day after my D&C and I knew it was for me. I’ve said this verse to myself probably every day and while I haven’t heard that song in years, I now hear it all the time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad Ella and Luca are here with me! Right where they should be. But God had a different plan for Asher and it brings me joy in a very weird way. I have a little more treasure in heaven waiting for me someday.
Luca: Alopecia is really not that big of a deal for us. If you really want to know how I feel about it, you can read my blog post here if you haven't already. I had a hard time for a while worrying about him as a child. But now I know for sure-he.will.be.fine. Not to mention, his head is perfectly round and by summer will be tan and it’s pretty darn cute! God made him for this so I rest my case. It was just one more thing at the time and I was worried for him. Everyone has something to go through or deal with at some point and I would choose this over many many many things. I had a 2 month period of time looming over my head as we had to run a gammet of tests on him. Since he’s so young, there were some other things that they had to check into. And guess what? It was all NORMAL!!! Of course it wasn’t until after the New Year that we got that news which was one more blessing to count!
Family: I-love-my-family. LOVE them! I feel as though our families have been under attack too this past year. Both sides of our family have had a lot of CRAP to deal with. The CRAP doesn’t even include my grandmother’s cancer-which the word crap doesn’t do justice to. What a nasty disease! I was so blessed this Christmas to get to see her 3 days in a row and got some one on one time. And she looked wonderful. Of course she shook the pneumonia in November because that’s just what she does. She fights back! She was feeling good and was able to join us for Christmas. It was so nice to have her around for the close of this season.
And then there is job—January of 2012 marks new and scary adventures for the Reading family as we listen, learn, and obey God’s calling on our life. No matter what happens, it will be fun and we have our friends and family. Mike and I have noticed many “seasons” of our marriage. There was Porter Place townhome season in Arkansas as newlyweds, the Plano Apartment season, the Coppell season comes in two parts: before and after Luca’s birth. One thing they all had in common in spite of the ups and downs-FUN AND ADVENTURE! We aren’t sure what is coming up in a new season before we set out for New York. I guess we shall see! I’m excited about some prospects and humbled by God’s love and provision in the mean time. I’ll attach our prayer letter in a future post to read--that is if you’re not blind from reading this long novel of a post. Like I said, there is never a dull moment with the Readings!